Its a Sweet Pain?


This one does go on a bit, so do bear with me. (alternatively link here and just avoid the whininess of this whole thing)

I think its fairly trite to point out to the world at large but I’ll do so anyhow for the record: breaking up is hard to do.

I mean for crapcakesake there is an entire website out there dedicated to ensuring that people avoid it. (how I stumbled upon that is another story all together. it’s a good one. I will one day regale you with it. It contains a cyber-girlfriend. And dragons.)

Most recent girlfriend and I dated for almost a year and a half (a long enough period sure, but by no means earth shattering stuff for most and in no way monumental when considered relative to my personal relationship history) before what had started out as a relationship devolved into a relationshit.

You see when my travel plans crawled out of the den of iniquity in which they were not so much hiding as looking for a good time and I quit my corporate law job with the intention of finding a forest to hide out in and possibly write bad poetry and contemplate which frogs looked fun to lick, I was pretty uncertain of how said plans would affect the relationship (as it then was).

In any event I was pretty blasé about the whole affair. I adored her. I had it on good authority that she was in love with me. And her boobs were terrific. So obviously there was no end in sight (well, except those ends that needed to be).

All went well at first, I had plans involving couches in a smorgasbord of difficult to traverse countries and she was heading well on her way in her chosen career. We were smiling and the aksie was excellent.

That was until I realised that absolutely nothing about my future plans seemed to make any difference to her. Talks of which hostel to hit where etc, instead of being an exciting mind-trip into the world which we could share, ultimately derogated into sullen silence or an entirely unrelated fight (women are masters of the art of this and no amount of lawyering on my side could extract me from the kak I inevitably, if inexplicably, found myself in, although as an aside, lawyering and relationships go together like eels and things that eels really really don’t like).

And, like daybreak in Ankh-Morpork it slowly dawned on me that the two of us had completely and utterly ceased to connect in any meaningful way. Kaboom. Nothing. From a beautiful, expressive and passionate relationship to a disconnected, meaningless liaison in less than 3 seconds. And if you trust Antoine de Saint-Exupery (which I wouldn’t if I were you) “to love is not to look at one another, but to look together in the same direction“. And that we weren’t doing.

So overskidovers. I pulled out the old “its not me its you” and after “giving it a week to see if there is no other way to save us and spend the time having angry desperate (awesome) I-don’t-want-to-lose-you sex” we called it a day.

Good night sweet princess.

I’m feeling pretty cut up about it. Especially because the derogation and breakup were caused predominantly by circumstances and not because of any inherent flaw in our connection. And unfortunately there is no quick fix for a lad ala Peas’ bushwhacker or Champagne’s new Ohmybod for the present lack of regular sex.

Which brings me to the actual point of this post – about a month ago (possibly more, I can’t recall exactly) I met this cooker of a blonde. Doctor. Spicy. Funny. Sexy as a Justin Timberlake song. The whole package. We swapped digits. No contact was made.

Is it too late to call her?


13 Responses to “Its a Sweet Pain?”

  1. Jam Says:

    Nice post. Breaking up really does suck.

  2. dazz Says:

    Thanks man, any ideas on “chick-on-the-horizon”?

  3. Champagne Heathen Says:

    Ha Ha! Well written. Who knew such a gorgeous man could aslo be so skilfull with words! (Man, I am so sweet).

    I don’t think it is too late to call her. But if you are worried about it, just rearrange to meet her how you met her the first time.

  4. dazz Says:

    Champs you conniving devil – love your work!

  5. Mr Memetic Says:

    Does that mean I can bang your ex?

  6. hotpinkflush Says:

    What a beautiful (sad) story… and I am terrified I am in the same boat…

  7. Mr Memetic Says:

    Relationships are all boats with a leak. You need to constantly bail out the water. You break up when you get tired off the effort. “Sweet sea full of fish, here I come.”

  8. Mr Memetic Says:

    off – of

  9. dazz Says:

    hey hotpink, its a pretty sad place to be. I can’t decide if its worse or better than ending it because the magic isn’t there. But the world is looking like a pretty crazy place to be, just gotta stay in the game!

  10. Mr Memetic Says:

    The world is crazy. And it’s going to end soon. Best grab an assault rifle and head for the hills.

  11. My New “Girlfriend” « First Build God Says:

    […] figure that if I have to sleep alone, I might as well look good doing it, […]

  12. Mr Memetic Says:

    You suck dude.

    The only reason you didn’t phone her up is because you are gay.

    Don’t stress: the Spartans were gay too.

  13. Mr Memetic Says:

    But, I think it is important to add, they were less gay than you.

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