Archive for April, 2007

Thank you and Good Night!

April 1, 2007

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Last day in the Big City before the world tour begins.

Its been a brilliant weekend which work colleagues and good friends (not necessarily mutually exclusive) made an incredible effort to let me know what I meant to them and how much I’d be missed. Its all very warm and fuzzy. There are a few people particularly that I really really don’t want to leave behind.

Thank you all guys, its been incredible, catch you on the other side of the world.

This excerpt from the Uncyclopedia for your breakfast amusement:

Johannesburg

Warning: This article is “kak“, reading it may result in hijacking, contracting HIV, or being run over by a minibus taxi.

The author in no way claims responsibility for your life.Please take a showeruse a condom, and don’t pet the dog.

Johannesburg is a large city in Gauteng, South Africa. It is mainly inhabited by blacks, 98.8% of which are extremely violent.The city is usually considered the most dangerous in the world. Notable areas where you’re guaranteed to die, whether you’re white, black, yellow or brown, are: Hillbrow, Soweto and the CBD of Johannesburg.

Residents of Johannesburg are usually fun loving people who like to play a game of “Pulse?”, “Where’s my car?”.

Google Makes Me Laugh

April 1, 2007

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In their usual manner, Google have used April Fool’s day this year to terrific effect!

A note on the homepage points you to a link touting “New! Get FREE breakthrough broadband with Google TiSP (BETA)“.

On the clicking the link you find yourself reading about the benefits and endless possibilities of using Google’s new and completely free in-home wireless broadband service. Sign up today, Google unashamedly promises, and they’ll send you the requisite self-installation kit, which includes setup guide, fiber-optic cable, spindle, wireless router and installation CD.

And how do they keep it free?

…to offset the cost of providing the TiSP service, we use information gathered by discreet DNA sequencing of your personal bodily output to display online ads that are contextually relevant to your culinary preferences, current health status and likelihood of developing particular medical conditions going forward..

Genius! And the required specs to run Google’s TiSP?

Windows XP/Vista (Mac and Linux support coming soon)

Internet Explorer 6.0+ or Firefox 1.5+ with the Google Toolbar

Round-front or elongated toilet providing at least 1.0 gallons per flush

Use of automatic toilet bowl cleaners is not recommended

Of course Google like to use the day to good effect and have been known to alternate between April Fools jokes and the bona fide release of new products, just to keep us guessing…

It also appears that the little pranksters have undertaken to allow users of Google’s free webmail service to add e-mails to a “Paper Archive” which Google would print on “96% post-consumer organic soybean sputum” and mail via traditional post. The service would be free, supported by bold, red advertisements printed on the back of the printed messages. Image attachments would also be printed on high-quality glossy paper and be postmarked with their message!