The Coolest Trailer of All Time Ever. Ever.

March 12, 2007


I’m not kidding. Its the Fantastic Four Sequel – Rise of the Silver Surfer and its … fantastic. And if you don’t watch it before you die, well, no one will care. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.


Springtime for Hitler!

March 12, 2007


In perhaps the most arbitrary move by an international organisation since 12 people decided to march in the Johannesburg yesterday afternoon in an attempt to raise awareness on crime (look pal, if you haven’t cottoned on yet…), a deputy in the state legislature of Lower Saxony, Germany has convinced fellow Social Democrats to file a motion to review whether the citizenship of Adolf Hitler, extended in 1932 can be rescinded, sixty-two years after his death.

This particular politician seems to think that the move would be a “symbolic step” against the Nazi leader and the horrors he unleashed and was reported as saying that:

“…while the gesture of rescinding citizenship carried symbolic importance, it is not my intention to whitewash Nazi history … This should never serve to play down history along the lines of ‘Look, he wasn’t a German at all…'”

Well you’ll forgive us then for thinking that you’re a complete twat. Without downplaying the events of yesteryear, dead is, well, dead and raising the issue now seems to smack of self-serving political grandstanding.

My apologies for even mentioning it. Here is something to take the edge off:


** Update : It would appear that Champers and her social conscience are pretty annoyed at the lack of walkers at yesterday’s march. Hate to let the team down, but I think we all know the extent to which crime is a problem. And I had a serious poker game on at the Jolly. Priorities. **

How I Know You’re Gay

March 9, 2007


If Batman and Superman were played by Steve Carell and Paul Rudd respectively.

This one’s for Mr Memetic. I know he’s gay.

Its a Sweet Pain?

March 9, 2007


This one does go on a bit, so do bear with me. (alternatively link here and just avoid the whininess of this whole thing)

I think its fairly trite to point out to the world at large but I’ll do so anyhow for the record: breaking up is hard to do.

I mean for crapcakesake there is an entire website out there dedicated to ensuring that people avoid it. (how I stumbled upon that is another story all together. it’s a good one. I will one day regale you with it. It contains a cyber-girlfriend. And dragons.)

Most recent girlfriend and I dated for almost a year and a half (a long enough period sure, but by no means earth shattering stuff for most and in no way monumental when considered relative to my personal relationship history) before what had started out as a relationship devolved into a relationshit.

You see when my travel plans crawled out of the den of iniquity in which they were not so much hiding as looking for a good time and I quit my corporate law job with the intention of finding a forest to hide out in and possibly write bad poetry and contemplate which frogs looked fun to lick, I was pretty uncertain of how said plans would affect the relationship (as it then was).

In any event I was pretty blasé about the whole affair. I adored her. I had it on good authority that she was in love with me. And her boobs were terrific. So obviously there was no end in sight (well, except those ends that needed to be).

All went well at first, I had plans involving couches in a smorgasbord of difficult to traverse countries and she was heading well on her way in her chosen career. We were smiling and the aksie was excellent.

That was until I realised that absolutely nothing about my future plans seemed to make any difference to her. Talks of which hostel to hit where etc, instead of being an exciting mind-trip into the world which we could share, ultimately derogated into sullen silence or an entirely unrelated fight (women are masters of the art of this and no amount of lawyering on my side could extract me from the kak I inevitably, if inexplicably, found myself in, although as an aside, lawyering and relationships go together like eels and things that eels really really don’t like).

And, like daybreak in Ankh-Morpork it slowly dawned on me that the two of us had completely and utterly ceased to connect in any meaningful way. Kaboom. Nothing. From a beautiful, expressive and passionate relationship to a disconnected, meaningless liaison in less than 3 seconds. And if you trust Antoine de Saint-Exupery (which I wouldn’t if I were you) “to love is not to look at one another, but to look together in the same direction“. And that we weren’t doing.

So overskidovers. I pulled out the old “its not me its you” and after “giving it a week to see if there is no other way to save us and spend the time having angry desperate (awesome) I-don’t-want-to-lose-you sex” we called it a day.

Good night sweet princess.

I’m feeling pretty cut up about it. Especially because the derogation and breakup were caused predominantly by circumstances and not because of any inherent flaw in our connection. And unfortunately there is no quick fix for a lad ala Peas’ bushwhacker or Champagne’s new Ohmybod for the present lack of regular sex.

Which brings me to the actual point of this post – about a month ago (possibly more, I can’t recall exactly) I met this cooker of a blonde. Doctor. Spicy. Funny. Sexy as a Justin Timberlake song. The whole package. We swapped digits. No contact was made.

Is it too late to call her?

International Day of the Punani

March 8, 2007

acacia tree

Its Women’s Day.

Time to pay lip service (ahem) to those magical and beautiful creatures who mother earth and keep us tyrannical phalluses in check.

So if you’re tired of smacking your bitch up and your usual trees aren’t being as warm and responsive as usual – hug the next woman that walks past you. Grope her bum even. Women love that.

And why the Acacia tree picture to head this post instead of a famous lesbian or Kofi Annan? I thought you’d never ask (you didn’t? Oh). Ostensiby the acacia is given to women by men in Italy. And while I’m sure they don’t give them the whole tree, they should. Italian men are pansies.

** The Prodigy “Smack my Bitch Up” music video may not be the most appropriate or sensitive manner in which to address the importance of the day at hand but the surprise ending is a beautiful thing which I think makes a meaningful contribution to the issues **

Couch Surfing?

March 7, 2007

The Couch

The future of travel is here. And its shaped like a couch.

The Couch-surfing website effectively acts as the friendly middleman between budget travelers looking for the cheapest place in town to lay their heads and friendly locals (in some 213 countries!) who are willing to give up space on couch or floor in order to hang out with and hospitably entertain such rustic world wanderers.

And the birth of the concept? Well, allegedly :

…the idea solidified when founder, Casey Fenton, got a cheap ticket to Iceland for a long weekend one April. With his ticket in hand, there was one problem: he had no place to stay and no desire to rot in a hotel all weekend and play Mr. Tourist. So, he came up with the ‘brilliant’ idea of spamming over 1500 Icelandic students in Reykjavik and asking them if he could crash on one of their couches. After exchanging emails with many of the students, he had several groups of friends offer to show him ‘their’ Reykjavik. So, after spending an amazing, crazy weekend just south of the Arctic Circle, Casey decided he would never again get trapped in a hotel and tourist marathon while traveling. From that point onward, it was all about crashing on exotic couches and cultural exchange. And, thus, the CouchSurfing Project was born.

Sounds sweet!

The website makes it pretty damn clear when you sign up that its not a dating site and even goes so far as to insist that you agree not to use it as a “site to pursue (read: locate and bone) romantic interests” but members have pictures and with the right amount of the Salami’s charm and wit there’s no reason why just the right random Norwegian couch offerer shouldn’t want to share her couch with you.

I’m off to find her (or them)…

Hello world!

March 7, 2007

The World

Welcome to First Build God, the home of my musings and observations for the next year.

The crafting of this post happens from inside an office in a commercial law firm in Johannesburg, where I will be spending the next three weeks slowly siphoning off all my “work” to the unfortunate wage-donkeys who occupy the offices around me.

At best I will draw a salary for planning the itinerary for the year ahead at worst I will don my cyber speedo and dive into the Wikipedia sea where I’ll spend my days exploring such delights as may emerge from its warm and murky depths. Its going to be a tough month.

Once the hard work is done I will head into the belly of a hungry Boeing and make my way off into the world. Destination unknown.

Should you wish to check in from time to time and as my travels plans emerge (hopefully as divined from the profound swirlings of my next tequila) I will keep you abreast of, well, things.